FREEDOM FEELS BETTER THAN A PAYCHECK // RAMPAGE OF APPRECIATION
I am so grateful for the inspiration that comes from quieting my mind! I am so grateful for morning sex. I am so grateful for meditation and contemplation. I am grateful for meaningful pauses. I am so grateful for books that inspire me and teach me how to trust myself. I am so grateful for finally recognizing the metaphorical meaning of Christ. I am so grateful for my paper journal. I am so grateful for recipes for raw breakfast scrambles! I am so grateful that people are buying my photos left and right. I am so grateful that I received a response already from someone interested in featuring my work on their website! I am so grateful to be getting my work out to a wider audience. I am so grateful for my contemporaries. I am so grateful for everyone that came before me. I am so grateful for Nan fucking Goldin!!
I am grateful for a husband who offers to make me green juice in the morning while I stay in bed, reading and playing with our kitties. I am so grateful for our upstairs roommate who helped us capture and release a creepy crawling cave caterpillar from our basement last night — eep! I am so grateful for said roommate’s young son Cedar who waves at us enthusiastically when he sees us walking across the street in our neighborhood. I am so grateful for the bliss of living as a child. I am so grateful to be understanding that it is possible to recapture that bliss now, as an adult. I am so grateful to be able to call myself a Woman-Child!What if Erik gets his first unemployment check in the mail today? What if I sell more and more prints? What if I am contacted by more people once my artwork is shown on more online publications? What if I am offered a chance to publish a book? What if I begin showing my art in local and non-local galleries, cafes and shops? What if my work makes people happy and feel good and grateful to be alive? What if Erik and I go see a movie tonight? (Our first date night as a married couple, eee!) What if we make the most delicious raw wraps for dinner? What if we juice again tomorrow? What if we sleep early/wake early? What if we are entirely present and grateful for every sensuous moment of our lives? What if this is it? And this? And this? And this?
Today I am creating my reality with my thoughts. Today I choose the best thoughts I could possibly have. Today I believe in myself and my creative power. Today I encourage my husband and my loved ones everywhere to love themselves as much as I love them! Today I listen to my heart; it beats loud and clear! Today I take deep breaths as much as possible. Today I smile at strangers. Today I appreciate other people’s art. Today I respect all outside contributions to my reality, taking in the good and releasing the bad. Today I am in charge of myself. Today I play games with my consciousness. Today is the best day of my life.
I am so grateful for photography and the role in my life it has allowed me to play out. The curator of the art collective that I have been invited to be a part of asked me today how I would define my motives for taking photos. This is what I said, and I hope it resonates with you all:
The only information I usually offer about myself is that the reason I take photographs has always been to help myself remember, but it wasn’t until my mom died in 2007 and I moved to Portland in 2008 that I really began to take photographs to help other people remember as well. I’ve lived in 12 houses over the past 3 years, usually with 4-8 other people. I’ve shared basements, I’ve used curtains for doors, I’ve slept on couches for weeks at a time. It was in those periods that I feel documenting what was going on became the most valuable; I wanted my friends to see how beautiful and magical our lives were, even as we struggled to afford food for ourselves or our cats, even as we didn’t always have a heater when it was snowing outside. A lot of the time people aren’t actually “seeing” what is in front of them while they are living it. I’ve shown photos to friends from a night we spent together and they say “I don’t even remember that happening!” and that right there is why I am so addicted to this. I feel like I’m doing my part to preserve the wholeness of every single day, every event, every kiss and piss. And I love and respect all of the other contemporary artists out there doing this same thing. Like me, they are just trying to contribute as much as they can to the collective consciousness. And it feels good, doesn’t it? It feels important.
And isn’t it, though? Isn’t it the most important game in the world?
